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The Manliest Men’s Product Commercials

The men’s product commercials of old taught us one thing: if you wear, drink or smoke these products, you will become a suave, unstoppable womanizer.

Dishonorable Mention: Gambler Cologne

Leave it to focus groups consisting of 30-something Cathy readers to concoct such a travesty. Look at this poor sonsabitch. He’s jazzercising with the ladies for guffaws, giving shitty bouquets to blushing mothers, and…has a pretty lady waiting for him on the doorstep. I guess that last part somewhat vindicates his anti-manly actions. Note to Gambler Cologne: being a classy gentleman is all well and fine, but damn–your male representative is getting clowned out there.

#5 Brut – It Smells Like a Man

This one hits the manly angle differently than the rest. Most men would be more than a little suspicious if their woman was a housewife with no kids to attend to, but this commercial tells it like it is. While you’re working, your lady is in the bedroom trying on your shirts and hats, spraying your cologne all over her body and taking off her panties, awaiting your arrival…8:00 in the morning. Fantastic.

#4 Winchester Cigarettes – “It’s Something Else”

Fact: Winchester-smoking cowboys will steal your girl. Deal with it.

#3 Jovan Musk – Musk is the One

Nothing says “life partner” quite like finding a sexy woman on the prowl, walking her pet tiger on a leash…while you’re walking your pet panther. Soulmates.

#2 Billy Dee Williams – Colt 45

While the city streets are being roughed up by a thunderstorm, and dark horses neigh wildly, and refrigerators explode with Colt 45, Billy Dee Williams casually walks down the alleyway towards his prey, wearing the most bad-ass trenchcoat the world has known. Billy Dee and his trenchcoat control the forces of nature.

#1 Charles Bronson – MANDOM

It is not possible to put the acts of manliness seen here into words.