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Quadruple Amputee Loses MMA Match

In what must be the least surprising headline of the day, quadruple amputee Kyle Maynard, who was born without arms or legs below the joints, fought in a MMA bout yesterday and lost to Bryan Fry, the poor bastard who had to fight an amputee while keeping his dignity, which must’ve been an uphill battle.

Fry, whose record was 0-2 before the fight, refused to wrestle Maynard, and the limbless Maynard was not allowed to punch, since his gloves WOULDN’T STAY ON HIS KNUBS. Watch a baffling and pitiful clip from the circus show below:

After the match, Fry said the match was “easier than fighting a quadruple amputee that couldn’t punch back.” (No he didn’t.)