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The Scariest Babies in Movie History

According to all my friends with newborn babies, it’s baby season. While these new parents preach the joy and wonders of raising a child into the world, I’ll be scared shitless of the spawn seen in the following movies.

6. THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (2004) directed by Mel Gibson

During one of many delightful flogging scenes, Jesus Christ (King of Kings, The Greatest Story Ever Told) hallucinates the Lynchian vision of Satan holding a demon baby with face of 40-year old man and hair on its back. The image recalls a twisted variation on Madonna and child- Giovanni Bellini meets Clive Barker meets The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.

However, this hairy baby would have been a lot more disturbing to me were I not already acquainted with the far bushier Rocky Jr.

5. COLD MOUNTAIN (2003) directed by Anthony Minghella

When Inman (Jude Law), a deserting Civil War soldier happens upon a remote cabin one rainy night, he encounters beautiful young war wife (Natalie Portman) and her GINORMOUS baby! Simply put, Natalie Portman’s baby is huge. Shockingly huge. It pretty much dwarfs her by comparison. It could play the lead in Honey, I Blew Up the Kid without any special effects.

Worship this baby. Bow to it. If you don’t, it will eat you.

The Scariest Babies in Movie History at Funny Or Die.