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Ways to Look Like a Four-Star Worker

If job security is your number-one worry these days (it should be), now is a good time to get smart and make yourself look incredibly important at your job.

In this economy, it seems like every sentence starts with “in this economy.” That’s because everybody and their mother (and brother, and cousin) are getting laid off. Want to seem like an invaluable member of the team even though you’re chatting on Facebook even as you read this?

Hit the jump to find out how.

10. Dress to Impress

Dress for the job you want to have is a maxim as old as cubicles themselves. However, it’s important not to take this too literally. I was let go from a perfectly good paint store delivery job because I wore a space suit to work. Maybe just go for a suit or at least a button-up shirt that’s been ironed this month.

9. Plan an Escape Route

This is basically straight out of Office Space. When Peter knows Lumbergh is going to ask him to work the weekend, what is the first thing he does? Plan an elaborate exit strategy. Getting out of work quickly and quietly is more important and more complex than an Iraq exit strategy.

8. Drink and Smoke

Coffee and cigarette breaks are totally acceptable, professionally-sanctioned excuses to stop work completely and just chill out. I have addictions, too (The Sega Dreamcast, your mom, etc.), but when I drop everything to play a little “Mr. Driller” with your mom, everybody gets all up in arms about it. Maybe I should just start smoking during instead of after.

More Ways to Look Like a Four-Star Worker at Spike.