Advice, Crazy, Funny, Geek, General

Taxes are Taxing

With only a few days left in the tax season, Atom gives some sage advice for those who need to maximize their deductions…all without Mafia assistance.

The financial End Times are upon us. In just a matter of days, our kindly old Uncle Sam will morph into a surly, pitiless loan shark, hellbent on wringing every last big of vig out of your gross income.  Double-cross him and you can expect his thugs to take a baseball bat to your credit rating’s kneecaps.

This annual victimization may be unavoidable, but enterprising folks know they don’t necessarily have follow the tax code to the letter.  Loopholes abound when some critical thought is applied.  The following are examples of deduction attempts that overlook the tricky “thought” part.


A qualifying dependent must meet certain criteria.  They must be under 19 years old, live with you at least half the year and they must not provide more than half of their support.  This is why it is critical that all child labor be paid as little as possible, because doing otherwise would be a potential tax liability to their parents.  You can even claim a dependent that has been kidnapped up until their 18th birthday, which oddly incentivizes not paying the ransom.

A Wyoming DJ took a slightly broader interpretation of the term. While reviewing the DJ’s prior tax returns, his CPA found his client had been claiming his dog, Red, as a dependent to avoid owing taxes.

When reached for comment, Red smirked “I am dependent on NO ONE” and illustrated the point by licking his own balls.

Read the rest of the article at Atom.