Crazy, Funny, General, Strange

The Worst Roommates You Will Ever Have

I pride myself on being a good roommate, washing all my dishes and keeping to myself most the time. But best believe if any of my roommates act out like the ones listed in Holy Taco‘s article here, I’ll wreak havoc on their asses.

A good roommate can be a great way to keep you company and help split the cost of rent. A bad roommate, on the other hand, is like a case of AIDS. He or she can take away your freedom, independence and ultimately, your will to live, until you are a shell of the person you once were. Here are the nine worst.

9. The Deadbeat

The first of every month this guy is like a broken record, “Hey man…yeah, so, like, my company…they, like, forgot to pay me. So I don’t, like, have any money for, ya know, rent.” And he says the same thing when the electric bill, cable bill, or any other bill needs paying. But somehow his total lack of cash doesn’t stop him from going out four nights a week, while you’re stuck eating Ramen noodles and dryer lint just to make ends meet.

And whenever you try to explain to him that you can’t always pay for his share, he gets offended, takes a communist stance, and says that if you were in the same position, he would totally help you out. But, unfortunately, Arby’s doesn’t plan to double his $13,000 salary anytime soon.

8. The Food Stealer

We’ve all taken food that didn’t belong to us at some point, but the Food Stealer is on an entirely different level. It’s as if they spent years in an early twentieth century orphanage, learning grifting and slight of hand techniques. If you ever happen to leave any of your food in a common area like “the fridge,” they’ll immediately eat all of it, and then when you ask them about it, they’ll act like a drug dealer being questioned by the cops about a murder.

YOU: So, did you see the Cheez-its that were in the cabinet?

THEM: Cheez-its?

YOU: Yeah, cheez-its, cheesy snacks, look kind of like wheat thins. You know what they are.

THEM: OH. Cheez-its. Nah, don’t know what happened to them.

YOU: But they were here earlier, and now they’re gone.

THEM: That’s unfortunate. Maybe they’re just missin’. (stare down between you and them)

YOU: Gah! I know you did it you son of a bitch!

7. The Party Guy

Every night this guy comes home at five in the morning, with a group of people that all look like the fourth picture in a twelve picture “Faces Of Meth” montage.

If the sound of the music blasting doesn’t wake you up, the drunk woman stumbling in to your room and attempting to f*&k her boyfriend on the bed you’re sleeping on does. Inevitably you have to walk out into the living room, and turn down the music, and everyone looks at you like they’re a group of graduate students and you just told them you “don’t really care for Arrested Development.” You tell your roommate you have to be up in two hours, and they’re like “Oh, no way, okay, totally sorry. We’ll turn this down.” Then you head back to your room, and you clearly hear through the wall, your roommate saying “just wait like two minutes and then we’ll pump that shit up again.”

Read the rest of the list at Holy Taco.