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Five Heroes Who Did Nothing and Saved the Day

We could be heroes too…if we took credit for somebody else’s heroic acts!

1. Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark/Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)

“Shut your eyes, Marion, and don’t look at it, no matter what happens! It’s going to be so totally icky and gross!”

Indiana Jones really should have just stayed as far away as possible from Nazis (pretty much a good lesson for anyone). Did he manage to do anything to them? Well, they did manage to kill themselves by pissing off God when they opened the Ark of the Covenant while Indiana shut his eyes and thought happy thoughts about museums and how creepy his students were.

Did Indiana really need to be there for that?

Plus, if he hadn’t interfered, maybe they would have gone back to Germany and presented it to Hitler. Indiana Jones may have saved Hitler. And did Indiana really need to LEAD the Nazis to the temple where the Holy Grail was hidden? The evil Nazi-loving businessman aged himself to death by accident, and then the Holy Grail was lost forever while the old knight stared daggers at Indiana, thinking “Man, I’ve been waiting here for a thousand years for this?”

The Real Hero: God
What It Should Have Been Called: Indiana Jones and the Nazis Who Thought They Could Outsmart God

2. Humanity (War of the Worlds)


The aliens get sick from bacteria and all died. Nothing Tom Cruise (or the rest of humanity) does matters at all. So he might as well have just chilled in a basement and tried to figure out a less half-assed way to kill Hitler.

It’s like Independence Day, except instead of battling the aliens, everyone sat around doing nothing.

The Real Hero: Bacteria
What It Should Have Been Called: My Excuse For Not Showering Today

More Heroes Who Did Nothing and Saved the Day at College Humor.