Crazy, Funny, General, Sex 101, Strange

Inner Monologue of a Married Guy During Sex

I hope I never turn out like this. I just can’t…I’m really afraid now.

Ugh, I’m so tired. I can’t believe that asshole Tim Jenkins passed off his report to me.  It’s his friggin report!  I just sent him some data he needed, and now suddenly – whoa, wife just grabbed my penis.  Was that on purpose or did she just roll over and her hand bumped into it on accident?

Nope – on purpose, she grabbed it again. I guess we’re gonna have sex.

Only when she wants to, of course. I should just say no right now, show her how it feels to want to have sex and not get to.  Yep, I’m not even going to react to – I have a boner!  NICE!  Alright, let’s see here, what’s standard foreplay I have to go through before I can stick it in.

It’s been so long I can hardly remember.  Okay, um, kiss her neck, squeeze her boob.  Man, her boob is really flopping over to the side.  When did that happen?  It’s like somebody poured some oatmeal on her chest and it’s starting to run off and – uh oh, boner going away.  Think about that new receptionist at work who’s g-string always hangs out and the time she bent down to pick up her day planner in front of me and Tim Jenkins.  Fuckin Tim Jenkins dude, trying to pass off his friggin report to me when all I – shit, how long has my mouth been on my wife’s tit not moving? Okay, focus here, focus.

Okay, going to the fingers, let’s get this party started a little quicker.  Jesus, when was the last time she shaved? I think I found Osama Bin Laden. Ha, I gotta tell the guys at work I thought that.

Read the rest of the Inner Monologue at Holy Taco.