Crazy, Funny, General, Strange

9 Bizarre Methods Once Used to Wipe (Ass)

I’m a bunch-up-some-TP-and-wipe-liberally kind of guy, but who knew there were so many different (and heinous) ways to wipe your ass?

Regretful Morning did some hard research, and here are their results.

We’ve all been a situation where someone forgot to restock the toilet paper.  Thankfully, we can usually get around this situation by banging on the stall door “Hey need a little TP here please.”  If you’re at home with no TP,  you might even skip wiping completely by hopping in the shower, spreading your butt cheeks, and letting the warm water do the rest.

Our ancestors weren’t that lucky.

We’re going to take a look at some items that were actually used, when it came time to clean up a crack, after a deuce had been dropped.

Lambs Wool – When the Vikings weren’t destroying stuff they were eating, drinking, and shitting.  Not having anything to wipe with was never really an issue.  They’d simply do what they do best (slaughter something), take the wool, and throw the rest in a stew.  Seconds please.

Frayed Anchor Line – “Ahoy matey! Me have to wipe my butt taaarrrr.”

That’s right, sailors and pirates often resorted to the frayed ropes from sails and anchor lines. We can only imagine what either of those looked like after a handful of uses.

Stones – The Greeks made use of their surroundings by picking up smooth rocks and stones. Seeing that perfect rock to skip across a pond may have sparked an inner monologue.

  • Dude this rock is going to skip a pond like a mofo, I should get at least 5 hops out of it.
  • Wait, I may have to take a dump later.
  • Screw it I’ll toss this one into the lake, and find another one if I have to shit.
  • On second thought, breakfast is starting to knock at the backdoor – skipping stones can wait.

More Bizarre Methods Once Used to Wipe (Ass) at Regretful Morning.