Crazy, Funny, General, Strange

Pathetic Attempts to Get Super Bowl Tickets

Every year the Super Bowl brings out the most outrageous and shameless qualities of fans and advertisers, and Cracked brings you The 6 Most Pathetic Attempts to Get Super Bowl Tickets. People are strange.

So you’re a football fan who’s desperate to get your hands on some Super Bowl tickets. You can’t afford to buy any without selling your car and two major organs, and you have absolutely no other useful possessions, or even skills, to offer the world. What do you do? You post a sad, desperate plea on the Internet. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. But either way, Cracked will make fun of you.

#6. Woman Sells Ad Space on Pregnant Stomach

There are some fantastic wives in this world, and then there is Jennifer Gordon. At eight months pregnant, a time when many women would be raining down hellfire on their husbands for even daring to watch football, she hatched a foolproof plan to get her and her man to Super Bowl XLI in person. Hell. Yes.

All she had to do was go on the Internet and offer to paint any message on her pregnant belly in exchange for Super Bowl tickets. Wait, did we say the plan was foolproof? We think that was the wrong word.

Naturally, being that this is the Internet, the offers poured in. Would she get off merely having to paint her belly to look like the Death Star? Or some 4chan meme, such as a dude in an afro saying, “VAGINA’S CLOSED”? Or, would she find herself at the 50-yard line with “THE DADDY COULD BE ANY OF SIX NAMELESS HOBOS” stamped in giant letters on her abdomen?

After sifting through over 200 offers, many of which were described as “wacky” or “X-rated” (who could have predicted that?), she got off with merely having to advertise a Chicago-based company called (auctions? On the Internet? Why didn’t anyone else think of that?!).

eBay already shotgunned the fetus. lamely just had her put the logo on her belly, passing up countless opportunities for meta humor, ie, “BID FOR MY VIRGINITY AT UBID.COM!” You got off easy this time, Jennifer Gordon.

More Pathetic Attempts to Get Super Bowl Tickets at Cracked.