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10 Signs Your Car is a Beater

Growing up I had a ’92 Ford Tempo that would stall if I wasn’t pushing on the brakes and gas at the same time. It made no sense and really crippled my style…until I finally got my ’97 Hyundai Elantra. That worked magic for my ego.

As we collectively start tightening our belts and begin to brave the storm that is the economic apocalypse, it quickly becomes second nature to cut corners here and there, in the hopes of stretching every dollar to its limit. One of the first treasures in a person’s possession that’s going to bear the brunt of this new economy is their car. Perhaps it starts with an ignored “Check Engine” light, or maybe a trick you have to learn to close the passenger door. Then one day, you wake up and suddenly realize you’re driving a full-blown hooptie.

10. Your Trunk Looks Like a Pep Boys Exploded


The first definite sign of beater-dom is when you pop the trunk and there’s about three cubic centimeters of usable space available. This is especially true when the contents are things like various half-empty hydraulic fluid bottles, random tools, a flat tire, light bulbs, an empty gas can, and several hundred zip ties.

When it takes an army of life support measures to keep your car on the road, it’s officially ghetto.

9. Your Stereo Doubles as a Tune Up


What the hell is that crazy knocking sound coming from the front of the car? Is there a wolverine caught in the fan blades of the air conditioning system? Why does the car randomly emit a loud beep sound every fifteen minutes or so? Is a constant grinding wail a big problem?

If your solution to these ailments is to go from “4” to “11” on the volume dial of your stereo, your car is a beater.

8. The “Space Saver” Spare Tire is Now a Permanent Tire


Okay, you got a flat. Happens to all of us.

So you slapped on the space saver spare – a mini wheel designed to take you from where you got the flat directly to a tire shop to get the original tire fixed. Except you didn’t quite make it to the tire shop.

Actually, you went to the movies instead. And you still haven’t gotten around to it. Well, that was in October. Of 2007.

Top Signs Your Car is a Beater at Spike.