Amateur, Crazy, Funny, General, Strange

The 10 Worst Types Of Drunks

We’ve all fit the description of a Worst Drunk at one time, but Holy Taco‘s list of The 10 Worst Types of Drunks goes out to those that make being a bad drunk an art form, one I hope to never witness again. Especially you, #2.

Alcohol is a wonderful thing, but it can also turn your friends into those people that take a fun night of drinking and turn it into a sobfest, a fight or an uncomfortable conversation. Here are the 10 worst types of drunk people.

10. MRS. “I WILL BE CRYING BY THE END OF THE NIGHT”

funny photo crying drunks

It’s the end of the evening and everyone in the group you came with have all decided to look at your phones, try to find a cab, or pay your bill, for a total of about twenty two seconds. Unfortunately this is twenty two seconds you could have spent paying full attention to this girl.

This causes this girls self esteem levels to fall dangerously low, and they can only be raised by the insertion of a random man’s penis inside her vagina, or by getting as many of her friends to pay attention to her as possible. If said penis is not available, tears are the next best thing. She’ll start balling uncontrollably, then when everyone gathers around her and asks her what’s wrong, inevitably the reason will be so perplexing you’ll make the same face you made when you realized at the end of The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis was actually dead.

TYPICAL CONVERSATION:

YOU: Hey, should I call a cab?

FRIEND: Yeah, I think so, it’ll take a bit to get here.

MRS. CRYER: (SOBBING), God, (SNOT RUNNING), I feel so stupid!

EVERYONE: What’s wrong?  Are you okay?  Oh my god, what happened?

MRS. CRYER: I-(SOB) I saw a homeless guy (SOB) yester-(SOB)-day and I thought, ohmygod you guys.

YOU: You thought oh my god, what?

MRS. CRYER: (SOBBING INTENSIFIES) I just, I don’t know.  (More sobbing)

9. MR. “I WILL HIGH-FIVE EVERYTHING YOU SAY”

funny photo annoying drunks

This guy is so excited to be wasted that anything you say will get him so pumped up, he will stand up and run over to you while holding both of his hands in the air for a full-on double high-five. But despite what you might think, he’s not really listening to what you’re saying, he’s just so hammered that he’s picking up random words you say and using them as an excuse to high-five.

You could be talking about anything from NATO’s new role in the Pacific region to the fact that Coldplay sucks–it doesn’t matter–he will high-five you.

TYPICAL CONVERSATION:

You: So, the doctor walked in and said I had to have my gall bladder removed.

MR HIGH-FIVE: Gall bladder! YES! (high five)

YOU: (sheepish high-five) Thanks…Phil. So…I went in for the surgery, and when I woke up the surgeon came in and said everything was a success, except that they found a small cyst on my large intestine.

MR HIGH-FIVE: Intestine, bitch! HIGH-FIVE time!

YOU: Are you high-fiving my intestine or intestines in general?

MR HIGH-FIVE: High fiving! (high five)

8. MRS. “I’M SO FAT, AREN’T I?”

funny photo muffintops

Everyone likes to have a little attention thrown their way. But after a few cocktails, this girl’s sole purpose for speaking is to get you to give her a complement. But to do that, she talks about herself in a faux-negative light so you can tell her how wrong she is.

The problem is, she IS a little fat, but since you’re a guy and you want to have sex with her anyway, you fall into her trap every time.

TYPICAL CONVERSATION:

MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Oh God, I just got the worst hair coloring at the salon. Look at this. Doesn’t it look terrible?

YOU: Ohhhhh, noooooo. No no no no. Not at all. It looks good. Really nice, actually.

MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Ugh. It’s not as bad as these jeans I just got. They do NOT fit my hips at all. They totally make me look fat.

YOU: Those jeans? Are you crazy? They look great! I was just about to complement you on them. They make your hips look super sexy.

MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Really? But they give me those muffintops I heard you guys talking about earlier. You said something like, “Muffintops make me want to shit puke and then puke shit.”

YOU: No, I never said that. I LOVE muffintops. I think they’re…super hot. I don’t like super skinny girls. I don’t think girls should look like that.

MRS. COMPLEMENTS: Awww. I totally agree! It’s so not natural!

The 7 Worst Types of Drunks at Holy Taco.