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How To: Score at Your Company Christmas Party

Holy Taco‘s how-to on Scoring at Your Company Christmas Party would work perfectly for me if I worked with even one woman and had a Christmas Party that didn’t include getting wasted while bowling and losing so hardcore that my shame will never be lifted. To all others, good luck! Sigh…

Company Christmas parties are about sharing a love for Christ with your co-workers, as well as finding someone to rub genitals with.  We decided to show you how to do the latter.

1. Do Your Homework

Odds are there are going to be more than a few women at the office Christmas party, and they can’t all be viable options for you.  You’ll have to know which chicks to watch and which ones to forget about, so it’s important to be prepared.  Pay close attention on casual Fridays.

If you know what you’re looking for, the smallest details can speak volumes.  Watch for things like tramp stamps, exposed underwear straps, and big slutty heels.  Those things say “I have in the past or still do, enjoy casual intercourse with partners I wish to never speak to again.”

2. Make Your Presence Known But Keep Focus

No one is going to bang you if they don’t know you’re there. Therefore, you can’t get sucked into the vortex of the weird IT guy who wants to corner you for forty minutes and talk to you about an episode of the original Batman series were he’s pretty sure Adam West uses the N word.

The best way to avoid this is to walk past these people and point at them, while saying their name loudly and adding the suffix “-bo” to the end of it. then continue walking past them. E.g. “Tim-bo!!”

If they still attempt to come up to you and engage in conversation, continue walking, and add “You’re hilarious man, I’m gonna head to the bano. We’ll talk later though.” Now you’ve complimented them, as well as substituted the word bathroom for its Spanish counterpart, which for some unknown reason, makes them think you think they’re cool.

More ways to Score at Your Company Christmas Party at Holy Taco.