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Go Blow Yourself…Really

In no way do I condone attempting to suck your own dick–I recommend finding a girlfriend who is well-trained in the practice–but when all else fails, this handy “how-to” will help you give yourself a shot at…of…blech.

How many times have you looked at a dog licking his private parts and thought, “Hmm, if only I could do that”? You’re not alone.

Rest assured that most, if not all men have thought the exact same thing. Some have even attempted it. But despite the interest, few men discuss the act of autofellatio, or self-sucking. So here’s a guide to tell you everything you want to know about the art of solo sucking.

Because They Can
Some people, especially women, may wonder why guys would want to give themselves a BJ. The answer is pretty simple – it’s the same reason why dogs lick themselves down there…because they can.

A self-service blowjob is just like masturbation, only better. You get all the stimulation of a hot, wet mouth, but you get it just the way you like it. On the downside, there are no surprises, and self-sucking may kind of be like trying to tickle yourself…but on the upside, there are no bad surprises, like scraping teeth or sloppy technique.

Additionally, a lot of guys get turned on by ejaculating on themselves and even swallowing their own cum. Self-sucking gives you the most efficient delivery method if you’re into eating your own.

You’ve Got to Flex It
In order to suck yourself off, you need to have one of two things (preferably both): a very flexible spine, or a very long dick. Having a longer penis obviously makes self-sucking easier by decreasing the distance from your cock head to your mouth, so the longer your dick, the less you have to bend.

However, since penis length is something you either have or don’t, we’ll concentrate on what you can do to increase your spinal flexibility.

Fortunately, in order to self-suck, you don’t have to have an enormous cock. Many guys who are just average sized (5 to 6 inches hard) can do it.

Unless you were born double-jointed or have been practicing yoga for the last 10 years, it will probably take some time and practice to get your dick and your mouth to meet up. Other prerequisites are overall health of your back and neck. If you have a slipped disk, misaligned vertebrae, or any other chronic back problem, we don’t advise attempting autofellatio. Even those with healthy and normal backs need to exercise caution and not push themselves when self-sucking to avoid back injuries.

Besides a bad back, having a huge gut is another impediment to self-sucking. You can probably work around a small beer belly, but if you have a major overhang, it’s going to get in the way and block you from your goal. So, if you’re not quite in shape, start reaching for your toes and crunching those abs.

Read the rest of the article at College Sex Advice.