Crazy, Geek, General, Strange

The 10 Greatest Hustlers of All Time

While MCs that use braggadocio tactics claim their hustling abilities are tops, King Magazine‘s list of The 10 Greatest Hustlers of All Time may put them in their place. How many people can lay claim to monopolizing an entire industry, buying franchises out from under their rightful owners, and starting wars for their own personal profit? The following hustlers can. You a customer, cronie.

10. Vince McMahon
The Headlock Honcho

WWE founder and chairman Vince McMahon’s hustle style falls somewhere between P.T. Barnum and the devil.

This diagnosis isn’t based solely on him turning his father’s moderately successful wrestling business into an obnoxious, billion-dollar juggernaut that went public in 1999. Nor is it the fact that he went on federal trial to face charges of supplying wrestlers with steroids, and admitted to using the juice, but escape jail time. Or that McMahon actually convinced network bigwigs at NBC to take on the laughable 2001 XFL professional football fuck up. It’s simply his willingness to do anything, no matter how trashy, to keep his WWE brand on top. This trait may explain why he let his son and part-time grappler Shane get his family jewels electrocuted during a nationally televised match.

9. Ray Kroc
The Mac Daddy

At 53, Kroc was a milkshake-mixer salesman with failing health when he discovered the franchising and assembly line strategy that flipped the McDonald brothers’ California fast-food stand into a nearly trillion-dollar burger business in 60 countries. But not before he bought them out of their now-trademarked family name, then opened a Mickey D’s across the street and ran them out of business. Another hustler move was buying the San Diego Padres’ baseball team and then outfitting them in uniforms that looked like McDonald’s packaging—a public advertisement 162 times a year.

8. Bill Gates
The Paper Chaser

A question to all under-achievers who picked on young bill: who’s the loser now? As a Harvard freshman, gates and fellow spaz Paul Allen (who now collects airplanes) began writing software for a ridiculous-looking contraption called the computer. As his idea blossomed into Microsoft, Gates, according to some, began creating cheaper version of already existing software (like DOS), which had IBM fiending. What’s more, critics claim Gates and his crew would market computer applications that would become obsolete after a year so that Microsoft could “update” its product and make bank off the “new” software.

Nearly 29 years and one Department of Justice antitrust investigation later, the multi-billion dollar man is throwing his pocket protector in the sky.

To see the Greatest Hustlers of All Time, go to King Magazine.