Crazy, General, Music, Strange

Top 5 Karaoke-Inspired Acts of Violence

Karaoke DJs are like the special-ed teachers at elementary schools. No matter how hopeless the performance they are witnessing, they are duty-bound to be positive and keep morale from settling to where nature intended it to be. And for the most part audiences are similarly charitable; drunk themselves and not wanting to be booed when they work up the Molson Muscle needed to get on stage, crowds can be surprisingly forgiving as a tone-deaf woman with a lisp makes her way through Celine Dion’s back catalogue.

But there are times when that powder keg of liquored up rowdies and household favorites being executed (in the murder-y sense) is set off. We’ve plundered old news reports, paid attention to new ones, and have even attempted to incite riots by singing “Yellow Submarine” in the depths of an urban slum, to bring you our list of the Top 5 Karaoke-Inspired Acts of Violence!

5) Taking a (Holy) Diver:

Place and Date:
Wisconsin, November, 2008

Holy Diver by Dio

Leading off our karaoke violence rundown and the inspiration for this list is a Smoking Gun news brief on the exploits of one Kyle Drinkwine, a man whose surname is the anglicized version of that of one of the authors, and it is an uncommon enough name to make a check of the more diseased parts of the elm that is his family tree anything but a frightening prospect. (A few years ago another Boivin made the news for raising municipal health concerns with his lake-water-aged cheese).

Drinkwine objected to what he felt was a mocking karaoke take of 80s heavy-metal band Dio’s “Holy Diver,”. The singer later denied that his take on the song was anything other than a heartfelt tribute. “I genuinely love Ronnie James Dio,” he said, making what comes next seem almost deserved.

Drinkwine heckled the singer who, upon clocking the massive crucifix hung on the former’s neck (Drinkwine family reunions see more Catholics than a mafia movie baptism), channeled Don Rickles, suggesting that he find a better vending machine the next time he went jewelery shopping.

With both the name of his rock god and Christian deity sullied, Drinkwine reportedly rushed the stage and attempted to throttle the singer before bar staff, and later police, quieted him down.

4) Taking on The Champions:

Place and Date:
Bulgaria, September 2005.

We are the Champions by Queen

We were too young to go to bars when Wayne’s World came out (or at least too young to consider wasting a fake ID on a karaoke night). We are guessing though that more than one pair of karaoke-listening ears were assaulted then by people attempting to scale the heights of the Queen classic “Bohemian Rhapsody” featured prominently in that film.

If you were to put both songs on a scale of karaoke complexity with 1 being Pop Goes the Weasel and 10 being Pavarotti’s lunch order sung in the original operatic Italian, then “Bohemian Rhapsody” would probably place somewhere around a 6 or 7, and another popular Queen favorite, “We are the Champions,” would be about a 2 or a 3. The latter, sung mainly by hometown hockey fans looking to psychologically offset a visiting team, has about as much musicality to it as that other popular sports taunt song “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye“.

So it’s a bit of curious thing a Brit tourist in Bulgaria singled out a local pair’s “tuneless” rendition of this not exactly tune-filled number for a karaoke step-to. The 40-year-old customer attacked the singers and tore up the bar.

The man was in such a state of karaoke vigilante rage that the police required backup to restrain him.

If you think you can do better, here is your chance. A (presumably Asian judging by the dragon-boat racing) karaoke version of “We are the Champions.”

As with other karaoke vids on this blog, we cannot take responsibility for any violence that may befall you should you choose to sing this one. All five of these are highly risky choices.

Read the Top 3 Karaoke-Inspired Acts of Violence at The Shark Guys.

[Gorilla Mask via The Shark Guys]