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10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You On Facebook

If you’re on the internet, which you are, by the way, you’ve probably got a profile on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LiveJournal, Craigs List or all of the above, enjoying the company of hundreds of friends who you know will never ask to borrow your car.

Unfortunately, people from your past are looking for you. People you had hoped would stay forgotten. And your internet listing has made it very easy for them to find you.

They are…

#10. The Traveller

What They’ll Say:

Hi there! Long time no see! Just over here in Liverpool and killing time before the Premier League match – downing a few pints, you know? – and spotted you on the internet. I might have found you earlier, but there’s no internet in South America (at least, not worth using ;) and the net cafes were too expensive in Japan.

I’m moving around a fair bit at the moment, so here’s a link to my travel blog so you can keep track of where I am. Be sure to take a look at the pics I took while trekking in Nepal. It’s an amazing place. Have you been? How’s it going? Drop us a line.

What They’ll Really Mean:

Look at how many countries I’ve been to. I’m better than you.

#9. The Mother

What They’ll Say:

Hey thar sweetie! Howz it going? Who’d you end up marrying? (pix pls :P ) I know you and Rach didn’t make it but we can’t all marry our childhood sweethearts. I’d luv to here from u! Who’s the kid you ask? This is Emily (Em). She’s only 14 months old and turning into a bit of a princess. Go to my profile and you can see my other bubbies.

Tony’s four now. Little guy wants to be a painter, like his dad. The other girl is Lisa. Popped out two weeks ago. A lil premature but she’s healthy and that’s all that matters. I love them all to death. Adorable, aren’t they? How are you?

What They’ll Really Mean:

Utilizing the natural ability to breed is my achievement. I’m better than you.

#8. The Ex

What They’ll Say:

Wow… how weird is this internet thing? I was just checking out the friends of all my old school friends and found you. Do you remember me? If not − hi there! Hope you’re having a wonderful life with lots of fun and money. I ended up moving out of town. I finished college and am now doing well for myself (better than I thought, actually). That’s my partner in my picture. We’re about to go to Nepal (don’t worry, I’ll be posting pictures). What are you up to these days? It would be great to hear from you.

What They’ll Really Mean:

You rejected me but I recovered and became someone. I’m better than you.

#7. Never Moved on from High School

What They’ll Say:

Hi all!

This is just an update for everybody about the reunion. I’m still waiting for a few people to get back to me about when the best time is, but it’s looking like it’ll be held between Jan and June.

I’ve found a few more people from class and added them to the list. If this is the first time you’ve received one of these emails, some of us who are still in the old neighbourhood will be hiring out the gymnasium at the high school for a get together.

Please let me know when you can make it back to town.



Reunion committee president

What They’ll Really Mean:

Remember how I was popular in high school? I’m better than you.

#6. Thinks They Moved on from High School

What They’ll Say:

Is this who I think it is? I hope so or I might look a bit crazy. I can assure you I’m not though. You might remember me. I wasn’t really ‘known’ at high school. I kept to myself. Surely you remember when I played − or tried to play − the Guns N Roses medley on the piano for the talent quest? Yeah that was me.

I didn’t miss that place when I went to college. Met a nice girl really quickly and I’m still with her. These days I’m managing a small but loyal team for a software company. I’m not bitter about high school though. Some good memories. How are you anyway?

What They’ll Really Mean:

I was rejected at high school but I’ve found a place where I’m accepted. I’m better than you.

Read the rest at Cracked.