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Hotwicks Candles are Doing it Wrong

I have zero problems with candles–it’s the overstated scents that make me sick. Have you ever used a bathroom that has heavily-scented candles or fruity air fresheners to mask odors? They actually call more attention to your stank shit than using nothing at all. I’d rather come clean instead of pretending I shat out a cucumber melon apple mango summer breeze. I don’t care what the aroma is: over-scented anything reminds me of the stench lurking right behind them.

Hotwicks, the makers of candles with manly odors such as “beer”, “urinal cake” and “stripper”, think they have a unique product on their hands. They don’t.

Manly candles aren’t even close to a good idea. In fact, they couldn’t be farther away from anything resembling a good idea. Owning a wide array of Hotwicks (even the name is kinda suspect) only proves that you have to prove you’re a manly man. Think about that when lighting a “pigskin” candle in your livingroom and wondering why nobody wants to be your friend anymore.

With that said, I would totally own a “queef” scented candle. What does a queef smell like? I’ve always suspected it’s like Duck a l’Orange…